While everyone was discussing the presidential debate that aired tonight, I was waging my own personal debate in my head the entire day.

I went back and forth. I made pro and con lists. I asked opinions from people. And then I got mad when they didn’t agree with the opinion I, in my heart, really wanted.

Instead of just admitting that’s what I wanted, I sat there and went back and forth, back and forth, in my head, and out loud, of course, begging people to agree with me, instead of just making the decision.

In the end, I actually ended up choosing neither option and creating a medium option until I can get more information.

I guess I should stop being so vague.

Recently, Zach’s doctor suggested that, in addition to the table foods he’s been eating, I give him more baby food as a supplement. The only baby food Zach has any interest in is baby food he can suck out of a pouch. He doesn’t have the patience for being spoon-fed. I swear it’s an independence thing.

Anyway, ever since I found out about the Infantino Fresh Squeezed system, I’ve had my eye on it. While I love Plum Organics and HappyBabyFood, pouches can get expensive, and it’s nice to be able to make exactly the blends I want– it’s part of why I originally made all of Zach’s food in the first place, until he switched to self-feeding.

However, the system was an investment. But the pouches were costly long term. There was no good solution. In my heart, I wanted the system because I could make the food myself, because I like the satisfaction that comes from knowing that Zach is getting quality food, and because I really feel like he deserves that from me. On the other hand, I have a tendency to overbook myself anyway. Did I really need one more to-do on my list? Not only making the food but also putting it into the pouches (which, I’ll admit, seems to be an easy process, but even one added step can be a lot these days).

I debated. I went back and forth in my mind. And I asked opinion after opinion. And I found more and more that anytime someone would disagree with me, I’d feel this pang of “Hey! That’s not what I want you to say. I’m asking your opinion, but what I really want to hear is MY opinion.”

I do this. A lot. I sit there and just basically get frustrated if someone doesn’t agree with me. It’s not cool. And sometimes, sometimes I just have to compromise.

I’m learning to do this more and more, and perhaps I’m just selfish in that I want people to agree with me. I want people to think I have awesome ideas. But that’s my pride getting in the way. To think that my opinion on this is the only opinion worth listening to, and to decide that everyone else’s opinion, even those I asked for, was wrong, well… that wasn’t cool of me.

In this case, I did actually decide to choose neither option. One memory trigger happened and I had a whole new plan, that would cost less than pouches but be less of an initial investment than the pouch system. At fall festival this year, there was a smoothie truck. When I bought my smoothie, Zach quickly drank half. It’s the only thing I’ve seen him drink as fast as a pouch.

I have a really great reusable tumbler with a straw. There’s no reason that I can’t, for the time being at least, make my own purees and put the blends in the freezer, then thaw them and put them in the tumbler in four ounce serving sizes for Zach to enjoy. He still gets the soothing sucking motion similar to nursing, and he still gets the same nutrients that he’d get, plus I get to know that I’m making his food for him. And of course, I’m sure I’ll keep some PlumOrganics and HappyBabyFood on hand for those days that it just doesn’t happen because I’m overbooked.

Maybe it was better that no one shared my opinion. I think it worked out, in the end, to have them counter me, so I continued thinking about my decision and ended the day on a better option altogether. Maybe, just maybe, even when I want you to agree with me, it’s not always what I need.