Faith

7 Ways to Pray for Your Child

- Mama Leave a comment

It didn’t take me long at all, minutes even, to realize I was never going to be a perfect parent. In fact, I honestly realized that while I was pregnant. No matter how hard I might try, I’d never be a perfect parent.

When I brought up my worry, as a perfectionist, that I’d never be a perfect parent, I was greeted with wisdom by people who had been there. My mom, my grandma, my friends… they all came back with the same resounding concept. I was right– I’d never be a perfect parent. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t be a praying parent.

By spending time in prayer for my child, I could actually become a better parent for him than if I was a perfect parent.

But sometimes, it can be hard to think of how to pray for your child. I mean, you have all of these hopes and dreams and thoughts for your child, as a mom, before your son or daughter is even born. Sometimes, you even have this in your mind before they’re conceived.

I struggled to put my prayers into words, and I honestly sometimes didn’t even use words– I believe God understands my petitions even when my words can’t put the thoughts I have into coherent prayers.

One of the first prayers I had for my son was a prayer of Salvation. I knew that I wanted my son to grow up and have a relationship with God, so I wanted to make sure that he knew God personally, and had dedicated his life to Christ. I wanted to pray that he would find Salvation.

I prayed for my son to have great joy. I wanted to know that he was not just happy, but joyful. I prayed also that God would make ME a more joyful person and help instill that joy in his life, both by the way I lived, and through the examples set for him by myself and those in his life. I wanted him to experience happiness, of course, but I also thought that joy, true Holy Spirit joy, transcended that, and I prayed that upon him.

I prayed that my son would have a Servant heart, that he would learn to serve others and be willing to get down and wash someone’s feet, or any other service that he could provide. I wanted him to reach out and help people, and find a passion in that. Essentially, I prayed that my son would get a lot of traits from my mother, who has the biggest servant hearts of anyone I know. I wanted my son to know that serving others is one of the most important things you can do.

I prayed for my son’s safety. Of course, his safety was paramount to me. With all of the crazy news about mall shootings and terrorism and even just basic things like drunk drivers or plane crashes, I worried a lot about Zach’s safety. I realized, though, that God says not to worry, but instead, to pray. There’s no need to have anxiety about things when we have prayer (easier said than done for me and my panic attacks, but I knew prayer was the right solution). So I did, I prayed for my son’s safety, for him to be guarded from harm. I prayed he would be protected and kept from harm.

I prayed for my son’s wisdom, that he would not just be a smart child with a thirst for learning, but that he would be wise. I prayed that he would have the wisdom to think for himself, to discern right from wrong, and make wise, Godly choices. I didn’t pray necessarily for my son’s intelligence, but for wisdom. I knew that being book smart could help him in life, but being wise, having that true wisdom, would help him for sure.

When my son started to grow, I saw that he was one self-confident kid with a little attitude.
I prayed for humility, that, even in his self-confidence, he would be humble and speak with kindness. I didn’t want him to become cocky, or lose that humility when speaking to authority figures or even peers. I wanted his heart to be pure and humble, with his servant heart and gentle spirit.

I prayed for strength. No, not the “I can lift two elephants” kind of strength, but the kind of strength that comes from the heart. I wanted him to be strong in tough times, to know that, even though times can be tough, or you can cry or be upset over circumstances, that you persevere, you continue on, and your strength helps carry you. I also prayed for a strength of spirit, one that would allow him to resist temptation that I know will face him in life. I prayed for the strength to say no to things he knew were not right, and for the strength to stand for what is right, even when it’s hard. I prayed for strength to get through hard circumstances, and strength to resist temptation, both from his peers and directly from evil he may encounter in life.

Of course, there are many, many ways you can pray for your child. These seven are just a start, a jumping off point to consider ways to pray.

Whether your child is a grown adult, or still not even a blip on the radar, or maybe somewhere in between, praying for your child is important. You’ll never be perfect… I’ll go ahead and be the bad guy and break that news to you now. But you CAN be a praying parent, and that’s what really matters.

 

What prayers do you have for your children? Leave them in the comments below!

Finding God in Robin Hood

- Mama 1 Comment

Growing up, my favorite movie was easily Robin Hood. I could’ve watched Disney’s Robin Hood on repeat. In fact, many times, I did. I remember the little squiggles on the TV screen as I hit rewind on my VCR so I could watch the adventures– and love story– of two foxes and their friends. I adored the element of danger in Robin Hood standing up to the government, the excitement as Maid Marion and Robin Hood fell in love again, and the sweet children and people of the town who rooted for Robin Hood and his love the whole time.

So, when this beloved classic became available on Netflix, I knew Zach just had to watch it! I was certain he’d love it… after all, he loves animals and music, and Disney’s Robin Hood had both. It was sure to be a classic we’d both love… right?

Wrong. I’d turn it on, and within 30 seconds, Zach would exclaim “No! No no no!” and turn it to something mindless like Pingu. Again. For the millionth time. I’d let him watch his show, of course, but then, next time, I’d direct him right back to Robin Hood, turning it on, letting the first whistles on the minstrel ring out, and once again, I’d be greeted with the resistant “No!” from Zach.

Why couldn’t he watch the movie? Maybe I didn’t get him far enough into it… I’d try next time starting it in the middle, or someplace exciting, and let him see the cute, fuzzy little animals singing and dancing along.

And each and every time… “No.” No matter what I tried, “No.” Eventually, I resigned myself to the idea that Zach was never going to watch Robin Hood, and that my life would be filled with endless sounds of “Nook nook!” and gibberish as his eyes glazed over during Pingu.

Then, two days later, I handed Zach the Kindle before nap. I went to get drinks and a snack for him, and returned. I said “What are you watching, sweetie?” “Hood!” I glanced down, and to my surprise, Robin Hood was playing on the Kindle. He watched it, and watched and watched and watched it. For about 3 days straight, everything was Robin Hood.

I kind of feel like this applies to my faith journey sometimes. I feel like sometimes God puts something in front of me and says “Here. Read this Bible.” I inspect the cover, then set it aside… “Not now, God. I’m reading Divergent, and it’s at a really good part.” “Here, Jenni. The Bible.” “Not now, God. I just got this great book on my Kindle!”

“Jenni. Why not listen to this great song?” “Um, yeah, that’s great… but I’m really into listening to Lorde right now. It’s super catchy.” “But Jenni, praise my name with singing!” “Yeah, but, God… Tennis Court. It’s a fun song.”

While obviously, I don’t think God is pushing every praise song and Bible verse at me on a regular basis, I do think that sometimes, I’m ignoring God’s wants because I’m really in to something else. It’s like giving up Robin Hood for Pingu. What he’s offering is probably really great, and I’d likely love it, but I’m too busy stuck in my rut of what I know I like to give in and listen to what he’s trying to get me to watch, listen to, and do.

In many ways, Salvation is just like that. I’ve seen so many people, myself included, in the past, blatantly ignore the salvation God was offering, that promise of life everlasting, not because they didn’t want it, but because they were fixing their eyes on something else instead of God. I feel like, as a culture, we get so wrapped up in what’s right in front of us, whether it’s marathoning Breaking Bad on Netflix, or reading the latest and greatest from James Patterson, that we’re neglecting to notice what God has right in front of us. As a culture, we’re forgetting to sit down and get lost in the Word, forgetting to listen to a new praise song, or pay attention in church. We’re tapping our toes to Get Lucky by Daft Punk, but just barely mumbling out the words to the songs the praise team is singing in church.

Basically, we’re turning down a great classic Disney film, and choosing some weird, gibberish-speaking penguin… except on a much more important scale with far greater benefits and consequences.

I think that, even though Robin Hood is completely insignificant when it comes to something major like Salvation, little things like this serve as a reminder. It’s not Zach saying “No! No no no!”

It’s me. I’m saying it. I’m turning down that time I could be spending with God, enjoying something so much more amazing than I can comprehend. And it’s time for me to decide, just like Zach did when I left the room, to start paying attention to the great things right in front of me.

 

Do any little every-day life things make you think about your relationship with God? I’d love to hear more about it in the comments below.

One Little Word 2014: Determination

- Mama 4 Comments

I’ve talked about One Little Word here before, about this time last year. A trend in the scrapbooking world started by Ali Edwards, One Little Word (or OLW) has branched out far past the initial One Little Word year, the initial project.

Last year, I’ll remind you, I chose the word Capture. Essentially, by choosing that word, I wanted to learn about that word, and then use that word as an inspiration for the things I would do in 2013. I feel like I accomplished that greatly. When I look back at 2013, I photographed more. I wrote more posts. I scrapbooked more. I printed more photo albums. I lived more to provide more things to capture. I detailed more events and more life happenings both on AND off this blog. I feel good about that.

As 2013 comes to a close, I’m realizing that OLW isn’t necessarily a word that follows you for the year. It’s a word that can follow you for life. I know that, as 2014 opens, I’ll continue to have Capture in my mind. I believe if you practice the One Little Word you select, truly practice it, not just pick it at the beginning of the year, then I think it is something that will be a part of your life long-term. Some words will fade over time, obviously, but others will stick with you.

I knew I wanted to go in a different direction for my One Little Word 2014. While my 2013 word was fairly broad (after all, capture can mean more than just photograph or write), I wanted something that would cover all of my goals for 2014. And, well, I have several of them. I have some Bible studies I’m going to be working on, focusing on in 2014, and those were very influential in selecting my OLW.

I chose Determination.

(Layout created using Nettio Designs Goal-Tastic 2013 Template, and Erica Zane’s Fresh Start, both available from SweetShoppeDesigns.com)

I was recently working on a lesson out of my Made To Crave Bible Study I’m working on, a study from Lysa TerKeurst of Proverbs31 ministries. She talked about determination, not self-determination, but true Holy Spirit determination that happens when you get God’s support in your goals and lean on him. Her comment was mostly motivated about food struggles, talking about how she would use cravings as an opportunity to pray instead of eat. However, I think they reply to anything you’re setting your mind to. If it’s something that is pure and holy, and if you’re using it as an opportunity to pray, and asking the Holy Spirit to give you determination, then you can achieve it. I have no doubt in my mind about it. It may still take a lot of time and effort (prayer alone won’t make you drop 6 pant sizes… healthy eating and exercise in conjunction with prayer can, though).

I found myself having so many goals for 2014. I don’t want to use the word resolutions, because resolutions are rarely kept. Goals are something that have a specific, measurable outcome and a time frame. Some things, of course, are easier to measure than others, but they’ll all be something where I can see changes in my life, and the others around me should be able to see them, too, if I’m doing it right.

For 2014, I need Holy Spirit determination to help me, and I’m determined to achieve my goals when it comes to losing weight, being less moody, dedicating more quality time in my relationships, with my son, my boyfriend, and my parents and brother. I am also determined to be more organized, both in my home and in my work. While I won’t share my full, specific, measurable goals in this post, that gives you an idea of the things I’m hoping to achieve this year.

All of these things take Determination. I can’t think of a better umbrella word for them– determination is what’s needed to make it happen. True Holy Spirit determination, that is.

 

 

Do you have a One Little Word for 2014? Are you going to focus on anything specific to get you through your year? What are you hoping to achieve in 2014? Any goals or resolutions? Share them in the comments below!

So much to be thankful for…

- Mama 2 Comments

I saw a post online the other day, essentially mocking this girl, during that whole 30 days of giving thanks thing that everyone on Facebook is doing, for saying that she was thankful for TV during one of her days.

I think it’s kind of silly to mock her. Sure, TV is kind of a response people don’t expect to hear when they’re talking about the things they’re thankful for, but I’ve seen more people than that say they’re thankful for things like Starbucks, because they can’t get through a day without it, or for their Cell Phone, for keeping them in touch with people. So, why is it so outrageous that she’s thankful for TV?

Because, in my opinion, society seems to have this constructed idea of what we “should” be thankful for, and because of it, we forget that it’s okay to be thankful for other things, too.

It’s a given that all of us are likely to be thankful for our family, our church, our closest friends, the people that we turn to every day, our pets, and maybe even our co-workers. And, outside of people, it seems to be culturally acceptable to say that we’re thankful for a great church service, a favorite charity, or an object that means a lot to you, like an heirloom tablecloth you’re setting out for Thanksgiving, or a mug that was given to you as a gift from your spouse.

We have these ideas that what we can be Thankful for fits into this little box. So, what I’m really loving is that this girl broke out of that box and gave an honest answer, that TV was something she’s thankful for. And come on, it was day 19 of the project. I’m pretty certain her other 18 responses weren’t TV. The person who shared the image mocking her was likely ignoring the fact that the rest of her responses were probably very normal responses that everyone could identify with.

But I’m going to go out on a limb and say “I kinda see this girl’s point, actually.” Outside of the whole “everyone can be thankful for what they’re thankful for and no one should make them feel bad for their choice there,” I can say that I get why someone could be thankful for TV.

This summer, I was VERY thankful for Big Brother. I’ve always hated the show. Truly, just hated it. But for some reason, this year, I had some favorites (and some that I couldn’t stand). But see, outside of the show, I was thankful for the fact that it meant a few nights a week that were earmarked for nothing other than sitting on the couch and spending some time with my mom. She and I spend a lot of time together, but this was just uninterrupted time where it was she and I, geeking out over a show. And it meant time spent reading articles and talking about and discussing whether or not it was rigged.

Sure, we could have spent that time doing anything else, but the chance we would have had as much time together is slim, and so, for this summer, I was very deeply thankful for Big Brother and the time that we got to spend together because of it.

When I lived alone for awhile, and was working from home, going to school from home, literally home all the time unless I made myself get out, I didn’t have a TV, but I had Hulu and DVDs of TV series checked out from the library. And for those, I was very thankful. It helped my apartment feel a lot less lonely because I filled it with laugh tracks that killed the silence while I worked, and filled it with shows that reminded me of my childhood, like I Love Lucy. At that moment, I was thankful for those, because it made a hard time in my life a lot easier by making me feel a lot less alone.

I think if all of us dug inside a little bit, we’d find that, beneath the surface answers that EVERYONE is Thankful for (not that they shouldn’t be– they are REALLY important things to be thankful for, and to continually give thanks for), I think we’d find some answers that would surprise people. Some of us might be thankful for TV. I know that a lot of my friends would be thankful for a favorite hobby. I’d personally be able to say I’m thankful for soccer. There’s a lot to be thankful for. So many things that 30 days isn’t really enough to give thanks for all of those things we’re thankful for, I’d reckon.

While I haven’t taken the time to share about my things I’m thankful for on Facebook, here’s a list of 21 things I’m Thankful for (since we’re at 21 days so far in the month of November).

1. I’m thankful for puppy, who provides my son so much comfort, that even though he’s a stuffed animal and inanimate object, he plays a role in Zach’s life as a movie buddy, a confidant, and a cuddle partner. It’s a good thing to help Zach feel secure.
2. I’m thankful for a boyfriend who is always so willing to help out, to give his time and his energy on the weekends to help me finish my work. I’m thankful for his willingness to drive all around the area to help me get everything I need for my work for the month.
3. I’m thankful for an extra hour, because, even though I’m still exhausted and Zach woke up the same time as always (despite the fact that time shifted and he didn’t shift his schedule accordingly), it’s nice having that extra cozy time at night now with him getting sleepy earlier.
4. I’m thankful for BlogHer, and how much going last summer has helped me find my place in the blogging world, and for the support of my family, who said “You’re going or else.” when I was too panicked to go. And also for friends like Jen from LifeWithLevi who let me be a +1 to an event she was invited to, and for all of the people willing to smuggle me into other events.
5. I’m thankful for bathtime and the grin my son gets as he exclaims “BATH! BATH! BATH!”
6. I’m thankful for Sporting KC, and the way they’ve helped my entire family rally behind a single passion, a single game, a single love for soccer.
7. I’m thankful for the words my son has learned in the past few months, and the way his vocabulary has changed and grown.
8. I’m thankful for programs that help me be the best educator and mother for my son that I can be.
9. I’m thankful for the United States Marine Corps, not just for their service, but for the friends that were brought into my life because we happened to be connected to Marines at the time; those friendships I made seem to prevail, even if each of us have moved on from our time with the Marines we knew then.
10. I’m thankful for Advil, that helped my son get through the day during his yucky illness, and the fact that being sick happened to make him extra cuddly.
11. I’m thankful for HootSuite, which helps me feel more organized in my every day life, and helps me plan ahead for days that I know will be less productive.
12. I’m thankful for small town life, and the way that everyone knows everything about everybody. It’s humbling, kind of scary, and helps you realize that there’s nothing else like small town life in the world.
13. I’m thankful for a warranty on car batteries, because otherwise, my new battery would be way outside of my price range and emergency funds.
14. I’m thankful for scrapbooking and the way it helps me preserve my memories for the future, and helps me stay grounded in telling my story; I’m also thankful for the people it brought into my life.
15. I’m thankful to have a working car after having it basically be a paperweight since May. Finally having it working again is an awesome feeling. I’m also thankful for tow trucks.
16. I’m thankful for parents who are willing and able to help out with my son on my hardcore work days, who love to spend time with him and play with him, whether I’m working or not, and who are so generous with their time.
17. I’m thankful for my church family and their giving spirit. I love that we were able to exceed our goal for Operation Christmas Child because of the generous nature of our church body.
18. I’m thankful for my son, who I couldn’t live a day without, and who has such a creative, fun, and sweet spirit that makes my days so much brighter as a result.
19. I’m thankful for Duncan Hines and the people and experiences that Duncan Hines have brought into my life. I’m a much more confident baker because of the contest win, and a much happier person with the people I’ve met through my time at Duncan Hines. It’s truly something life changing and I can’t express that enough.
20. I’m thankful for quiet mornings at home with coffee and people I care about, and for the times when a drum set and a toddler make my mornings a lot less quiet through music.
21. I’m thankful for my voice, my writing voice especially, that allows me a chance to be heard through my blog, a chance to share my thoughts, my creativity, and my life with my readers, and I’m thankful for the people I’ve met because of my blog.

But you know what I’m really thankful for? That we live in a place where we can be thankful for ANYTHING. That we can be thankful for the amazing gifts God has given us, but also for those awesome comforts in life like TV, and cinnamon rolls, and coffee, and that song that gets stuck in our head all the time.

I’m thankful for the blessings I have in my life, and the fact that I even HAVE a life with which to experience these blessings. And above all, I’m thankful for the relationship with God that allows me to know that, as awesome as this life can be at times, it’s not my ultimate goal, my ultimate home, and that there’s so much more to be thankful for even when this world and these comforts pass.

I’m just really, really thankful for those things. And I’m also thankful for the fact that, while I was writing down what I was thankful for each day, every single day, I had more than just one thing to be thankful for. I had so many things that I am genuinely thankful for, even if they didn’t get written down on this list, and that’s awesome.

What are you thankful for?

How a Shoebox Can Give Salvation with Operation Christmas Child

- Mama 5 Comments

Growing up, my mom worked hard to teach me the importance of giving back. It was a value I always knew I wanted to instill in my son, as well. So, when considering ways to give back this season, I knew the choice was an easy one.

Operation Christmas Child isn’t exactly a new organization. Started by Samaritan’s Purse in 1993, the organization has collected and delivered more than 100 million gift-filled shoeboxes to more than 100 countries with children in need. This year is a REALLY special year for Operation Christmas Child– it’s the 20th anniversary year! (Which is weird, because 1993 doesn’t seem like it should be 2 decades ago! Yikes!). This year, Operation Christmas Child plans to collect 9.8 million shoeboxes this year.

So how exactly does it work? Well, it’s pretty simple. You start with a shoebox (plastic or cardboard works fine!), and a decision. Are you packing for a boy or a girl? And what age range are you packing for (2-4, 5-9, or 10-14). You’ll go on the Samaritan’s Purse website and print the label that matches your box, then tape it to the top of the box with the age category marked.

You then fill it with gifts. When packing our shoeboxes, we decided to pack one for a boy and one for a girl, ages 2-4, since that’s how old Zach is. Packing the box to his age range helps it stay meaningful for him, and it also helps us decide what another child might like who is his age.

For both boxes, we chose underwear and socks that fit the gender and size we were packing for, new and on clearance at Walmart. We then continued with a new toothbrush and tube of toothpaste for each gender, some bar soap (no liquids should be packed in the box!), and finished up with some washcloths and a couple of combs, each purchased at an affordable price as part of a multi-pack. After packing the basic hygiene products for each of our boxes, we added a few pencils, a sharpener (so they can use the pencils!), and a pack of small legal pads that fit into the box. We also decided some crayons and affordable sticker books would work really well and fit into the box. We finished with a few fun items that we knew the kids would love– a slinky for each, some bouncy balls for both, and then a doll for the girl and a small stuffed animal and cars for the boy.

I tried to think of items that children would enjoy, as well as items they needed. A lot of the children that these boxes go to don’t have basic school supplies, and have limited access to hygiene products, so including things like that is also special, in addition to new toys.

We decided to finish the boxes with a photo of us, and a letter to the child, as well as a $7 donation for covering processing and shipping for each box. By donating online, we’re able to track our boxes and see what country they end up in!

When money is tight here at home, especially with the nature of the economy, the number of layoffs, and how many people are struggling, but I also know that, even with limited resources, I have places in my budget I can cut back on to afford to give back with a box like this. By purchasing items on clearance, and finding affordable items kids will love (like a great quality off-brand doll rather than a name-brand one that was twice the cost) will be just as meaningful for the children we’re sending these boxes to! In the end, we were able to fill the boxes for about $15 each (not including our $7 donation). But the gift it brings? It’s priceless. These boxes send a message about Salvation and can help those who get the box learn about Jesus Christ. That is a gift that you can’t put a dollar amount on, and it’s why I love what Samaritan’s Purse is doing through Operation Christmas Child.

It’s the first step for a lot of these kids in learning about the Gospel. Kids who receive boxes fro Operation Christmas Child can participate in the Greatest Journey, a follow-up program to Operation Christmas Child. This program is a 12-lesson discipleship program that helps kids learn about the story of Jesus Christ and the Salvation that God offers all of us. All kids who graduate from this program receive a Bible in their own language! Over 1 million children have participated in the Greatest Journey after receiving an Operation Christmas Child box, and thousands have become believers as a result.

And, the best part is that it’s not too late to participate this year. National Collection Week is November 18-25, and you can drop off the box at one of the hundreds of locations across the United States. There are 4 collections centers within 15 miles of me, so there’s a good chance there is one near you, also. The website can give you the full list of collection centers and help you find one closest to you.

When packing your box, it’s important to remember that items should be new, rather than used, and should not include any military related items, figurines, or toy guns, and also should not include chocolate or food. Liquids and lotions, vitamins or medicine, breakable items, and aerosol cans are also prohibited.

Want more information about Samaritan’s Purse and Operation Christmas Child? Visit their website at www.samaritanspurse.org/occ

If you’re a fan of Duck Dynasty, see what Uncle Si has to say about Operation Christmas Child, and then go pack a shoebox, Jack!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1lLqdgXMB8]

More of a Veggie Tales fan? Bob and Larry can also help you pack it. Everybody may not have a Water Buffalo, but everyone CAN help pack a box for Operation Christmas Child!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=677iIEeqXWY]

Running short on time, or don’t like to leave the house? You can even pack a box online using the box builder on the Samaritan’s Purse website, then checkout online, and your box will go to a child without you ever having to leave the house.

Operation Christmas Child is such a blessing, not only to those receiving, but to those giving. Knowing that I can share this tradition with my son, a tradition of giving, and show him that not everyone is as privileged as he is, but that he can give something special to those who need it, is a huge deal for me. I also love the opportunity to pray for our box and for the child who receives it, that the box can be a blessing in their life and that they’ll find salvation if they don’t yet have that knowledge and thirst for the Lord. That’s priceless to me. And it’s why Operation Christmas Child is a part of our family’s tradition. I hope it’s one that we will participate in for many years to come.

 

An Identity to Be Proud Of

- Mama 1 Comment

Slut. After all, I’m an unwed mother. People see the child, but they don’t see what happened around that time, and it’s clear, sometimes people look at me differently because I had a child out of wedlock. I can see where people would think that…

Imprisoned. I’m trapped in my sins, aren’t I? It seems like every time I break the cycle of a sin– anger, impurity, anything– I just get trapped in the same cycle again. Is it something I can break? I don’t know. I think I’m just trapped.

Stupid. What’s wrong with me? Why am I so dumb sometimes, I can’t see something right in front of me? Am I that naive, that dumb?

I label myself. A lot. And it’s usually not pretty. I’ve formed these identities. It’s the things I hear in my head when I’m falling asleep, the words that repeat themselves when I think “Why don’t I have a spouse?” “Ugh, you don’t think my job is legitimate? Are you kidding me? I work my butt off!” “I totally lost it again and yelled… seriously, though, am I just destined to be trapped in this cycle of anger and frustration forever?”

What I didn’t realize, however, is that in doing so, I’m doing something even more dangerous than just hurting my self esteem.

I’m playing God.

I may never have said it, or intended it… but when I’m accepting a name for myself or a word for myself that is less than the word or identity that God has for me, I’m taking over for Him. I’m saying, “God, you don’t know me. You don’t have an identity that suits me. I’ve got one better.” I’m saying, basically,

God, I know more than you know. I’m smarter than you are.

That’s a serious problem! Saying that I am unworthy, stupid, expendable, alone, hopeless, a loser, unlovable, powerless,defeated, that’s not what God has in mind for me!

And the worst part is, it doesn’t just affect how I feel about me. It isn’t just about my own personal self-image.

It affects every relationship I have… my friendships, my family, my job. When I’m struggling in my relationships, it all boils down to the fact that I am struggling with God. Anytime I’m saying that I am less than God’s plan for me, I’m struggling with him… and it’s messing up how I interact with other people.

I’m not the only one who does this, though. You do this, most likely. I’m willing to bet at one point or another, at some time in each of your lives, my readers, the people I go to church with, my family, my friends, and pretty much everyone I know, has had an identity that they’ve accepted, a hat they’ve put on, a name they’ve called themselves, that is less than what God has for them.

You know who else wrestled with God?

Jacob. Genesis 32:24 says “This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until dawn began to break.” Hosea 12:3 makes it clear that this man he struggled with was God when it says “Even in the womb, Jacob struggled with his brother; when he became a man, he even fought with God.” 

Jacob fought with God. They wrestled. And God took Jacob’s old Identity– Liar. Manipulator. Deceiver. Thief.– and he gave him a brand new one, a brand new name, Israel, meaning “Prince.” He took someone who identified as a thief, a manipulator, just a bad dude, and made him into the Child of a King.

God is willing to do that to us, too. We can wrestle with him, struggle with our identity, try to replace His view with our own, but in the end, God has a plan and a name for us. I’m a Princess. You’re a Prince or Princess. We are HIS children.

But it isn’t always that easy. It’s not always as easy as accepting what God has for us.

God often presents change through hardship. Sometimes, he leaves a permanent reminder of our struggle with our identity in Him. For example, Jacob’s story in Genesis 32:25 continues with God wrenching his hip out of socket! After that, Jacob walked with a limp! Like, long-term!

Sometimes, we have that reminder. That hardship. But you know what I think? I think it’s worth it.

God has something new in mind for me. I’m determined to pursue the new, to receive the blessing God and God alone has for me.

I took this image at the beach this summer, and it represents God’s creation to me. It really does– this photo helps me fully grasp the beauty of God’s creation, and it helps me see that I can be a beautiful creation in Him, too. So, I added this verse about God doing SOMETHING NEW in me to remind me of the newness of the creation that I am.

I was reading Zach the story of Adam from his Children’s Bible as part of our school lessons. It talked about how we are made In God’s Image, and when we’re made in his Image, it means we’re as close to the original as possible– that God made us to be like Him in a lot of ways.

If I look at God as being amazing beyond imagination… why don’t I see myself as something good, too? If God created me good, why don’t I believe that?

Matthew West says it really well in this song… check it out.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuJWQzjfU3o]

I just really believe that God is doing something new in my life. I believe he is doing something new in your life, too.

Tell me in the comments below, what are the false names that you call yourself that are less than what God has for you? What do you think of the idea that God is doing something new in your life? Are you willing to go through hardship to become a new creation in God? (Or don’t tell me in the comments– this is pretty personal. Feel free to share below, or think about it, or write it down at home, or something! I just encourage you to interact with these verses somehow).

Parts of this post were heavily inspired by a sermon given by Pastor John Marra at Living Hope Church. You can learn more about Living Hope Church at www.livinghopekc.org. If you’re in the Kansas City area, I’d love for you to join us for Sunday Services at 10:30am.

Love Yourself First

- Mama 3 Comments

When I was younger, before all of the stupid stuff with my cartilage happened and I was actually more mobile, I was a dancer. But, even then, 13 year old me realized that there was something different about me than the other dancers, and it was hindering my ability to dance.

I had boobs.

I had a butt.

And, when you’re in a room full of mirrors and no one else has those, it becomes painfully obvious. The older I got in the dance world, the more I realized that I didn’t really have the body for it. And the more I realized that, the more I shrank into my shell, the less I wanted to dance, and the less I liked who I was.

I didn’t feel comfortable in my skin, and I certainly didn’t feel comfortable in a leotard. Not when mine was two sizes bigger than the other girls and I had to wear some supportive bra-ness underneath to keep things in place.

After my disability came to light, and I started to become painfully aware that working out would be a lot harder for me, my appetite stayed the same, but my movement didn’t, and the weight came, and came, and came.

I didn’t like myself. And I certainly didn’t love myself.

When you get into that cycle, where you don’t love you, you let other people say all kinds of horrible things about you and to you. You begin to believe lies, you begin to feel like you aren’t good enough, and you begin to doubt yourself.

For me, the cycle was obvious. The more I’d eat, the bigger I’d get. The bigger I’d get, the more people would talk. The more people would talk, the worse I’d feel. The worse I’d feel, the more I’d eat.

I’m not my goal weight. I’m nowhere near it. I have memories of ways people have made it clear to me that I wasn’t something desirable or pretty. I remember one morning when I was married to my now ex-husband, one of the first mornings of our marriage, the morning after one of the first times he had seen me pretty bare-skinned (I know, this is a family blog, and I know, this is a blog my mother reads, but seriously, it’s important to the story). He got up before me, walked to the store, and bought me a pack of Slimfast.

I was devastated.

He knew what I looked like before we got married. What was underneath a couple of layers of clothing couldn’t have been that much of a shock, could it?

It makes me think of that J.J. Heller song, “What Love Really Means.” I listen to that song about a thousand times on Spotify. There’s this verse that says “Her office is shrinking a little each day. She’s the woman whose husband has run away. She’ll go to the gym after working today, maybe if she was thinner, than he would have stayed. And she says, who will love me for me, not for what I have done or what I will become? Who will love me for me? Because nobody will show me what love, what love really means.”

I’m not saying my ex-husband left me because I was overweight. Not even close.

But I am saying, I know how it feels to ask myself “Who will love me for me?”

In the past week, I’ve been reading, and thinking, and pondering, and staring at the ceiling, and I’m reaffirmed.

God loves me. He loves me overweight. He loves me skinny. He loves me happy with myself and when I’m not happy with myself. He loves me and wraps his arms around me, no matter who I am, no matter what I’ve done, and no matter what I look like.

And because of that, I’m challenged. I believe I need to love my enemies. What I forget sometimes is that I tend to be my own biggest enemy.

If God loves me, I need to love me. If my family loves me, I need to love me. And honestly, I can ask myself a million times why I’m still single, but the biggest answer I’ve found is… because if I don’t love myself, why do I expect anyone else to?

JJ Heller sums it up in the final chorus of her song, showing God’s love for me.

“I will love you for you. Not for what you have done or what you have become. I will love you for you, I will give you the love, the love that you never knew.”

A friend of mine stated it pretty well online this week, saying “Girls try so hard to look so good for those few idiots who make them feel like they aren’t good enough. Most guys will tell you there is nothing sexier than a girl who is confident with herself and natural, doesn’t try to be more than herself.”

I’m going to challenge you, as we head into a weekend, and a lot of us are out and about, running errands, going on dates, spending time enjoying nice weather at the park with families, whatever it is you do on weekends…

 

STOP. Stop overthinking your flaws. Stop worrying about what is wrong with you. Stop feeling like you’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not special enough.

I’m telling you right now…

You are.

You’re pretty. You’re special. You’ve got amazing qualities. There are so many reasons people like you. And trust me, people do like you.

Smile. Let your hair down.

Love yourself first.

Heartbroken

- Mama 1 Comment

I don’t even know how to begin putting my thoughts into words. This tragedy in Connecticut has me captivated, in all of the worst ways. I just feel sick to my stomach.

I am that mother. That sister. That cousin. It could have been my son, my brother, my cousins, my friends’ children… it could have been any child I go to church with, any child I knew from when my mom did daycare for years and years.

That town in Connecticut is like my own. It’s small. Many people who live there are relatively affluent. The school is about the same size as my school, the town about the size of my town. The type of area is so much like my own. It’s my town, really, only in Connecticut.

The tragedy they are going through could have unfolded here just as easily as it did there. It could have been the next town over, a town in the state next to mine, a town in your area. It could have been anywhere.

It’s easy to rationalize tragedies that happen to adults. When an NFL player in my area killed his girlfriend, then killed himself, I was stricken with how horrible that situation was, but at least that is something I could comprehend, that he went through such a delusion, such a struggle, that there was domestic turmoil. But what causes someone to kill that many innocent children? Who goes and kills 20 5-year-olds?

That’s not to say that any violence is okay, or justifiable, or understandable. It’s not. It’s all beyond the grasp that people understand.

But I just feel like there’s always been this line that wasn’t crossed. Shootings happened in schools, but, it was high schools, colleges… those deaths aren’t okay, it’s NOT okay, but this line, it was crossed when someone decided to go into a school and kill very young children.

I know it will hit me even harder in the coming days, that media will show the images of these children. I will see the similarities, maybe a boy with blonde hair much like my son’s. Maybe a young soccer player, like my brother. Maybe a young girl who played with dolls, much like I did as a child. There are presents under those peoples’ trees, waiting for Christmas celebrations. Others are in the midst of Hannukah celebrations.

It’s senseless. It’s terrifying. I can’t comprehend it yet, let alone know how to share that with others.

I find myself turning the television back to the news. I find myself being afraid to head to the mall to shop this weekend. I see myself hugging my son a little tighter. And I see myself sitting there, tissue in hand, wondering what if it happened here? What if this was in my town instead of that town in Connecticut? What if it was my brothers’ friends involved instead of those people there?

It could just as easily happen here. There’s a strong chance there will be copycat shootings following this; there almost always seem to be.

So the question is, where do we go from here?

I’m still not sure. All I can do is pray. Hope, pray, and keep going. Hold my son and brother tighter. Remember that God has his hands on the situation, on our country, and on my family. I have to remember that God is in control. I have to hold strong to that faith, absolutely.

Miracle on Main Street

- Mama 2 Comments

At church yesterday, we got the pleasure of seeing our annual Christmas Children’s Musical. It’s a chance for the children of the church to put together a great presentation celebrating the true meaning of Christmas.

This year, the musical, Miracle on Main Street, really struck me, because it’s so true to how life really is right now.

It opened with the children preparing for their annual Christmas musical, to be held in the town square, when suddenly, the mayor decides to cancel. It’s a re-election year, and he knows that allowing a Christian-themed pageant could cost him some votes, so he blames the cancellation on the fact that it would add to the “traffic.”

The kids decide to take matters into their own hands by going door-to-door caroling, encouraging the residents of the city to call the mayor and ask him to reverse his decision.

At the first house, which was decorated to the hilt, with wreaths and reindeer and candy canes and lights, the children rang the bell and caroled. The homeowners shooed them on their way, saying that the annual town square Christmas scene was too “preachy” and belonged in a church, not the town square.

I feel like, so often, this is true. Many people go full-tilt into the holidays, but are not recognizing the true meaning of Christmas. I recently had a friend who posted an image on facebook saying “Just because I’m an atheist doesn’t mean I don’t love Christmas music!” But I have to ask myself, without Christ, what’s the point? I mean, go ahead and sing all of your “Holly Jolly Christmas” and “Santa Baby,” but seriously, that’s so empty. Without Christ, Christmas doesn’t exactly have meaning.

So many people are quick to say “Christmas belongs in church.” It wasn’t that long ago that atheists in one California town got upset over the religious displays set up, and the fact that they won so few of the lottery slots to put up their displays in the town square. They chose to use their spots the following year to trash Christmas and say that it was a lie.

Why even bother?

In the musical, at the second house, which was also decorated quite a bit, the kids rang the doorbell and caroled again. This house’s residents were more welcoming, saying that they loved the music, and that they loved to celebrate all of the holidays. After all, why exclude one if they don’t know which of the tales is the true one?

After that house, the children seemed to decide “If you’re going to celebrate ALL of the holidays, you may as well not celebrate ANY of them… after all, there’s no meaning or spirit behind it to just put on the show of celebrating them all.”

I have to agree. Another of my friends on facebook greeted her children with books from all of the different winter holidays from various religions and cultures, including Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, and Yule. They celebrate each one, fully, as though it’s their own belief, even when they acknowledge it isn’t. It’s okay to teach your children about other holidays and religious or cultural celebrations, but I, like the children in the play, question the intent.

I feel this way about it:

Suppose I’m going to rank what is most important to me by giving everything a score of 1-10. I could rank everything #1, but it literally has the exact same meaning as if I ranked everything #10, because nothing is in the lead at all either way.

Finally, in the musical, the children stopped at a third house that was decorated just slightly, a sole wreath providing the only Christmas cheer outside the home.

One of the children questioned if they should even stop, because, after all, there were no flashing lights or bright decorations of candy canes and Santa on the lawn, but the children decided to stop anyway.

As the woman opened the door, the children sang and brought tears to her eyes. The wreath was the only decoration she was able to put up while her husband was away in the Air Force, but she felt that Jesus was a true tie that made them feel close together, even when they were far apart. She promised the children she would call the mayor and beg him to put the Christmas musical back on, noting that she had a special connection at the mayor’s office that might make it possible.

The children said, after she had closed the door, that no matter what the house looked like on the outside, if it had the sparkle on the inside, it’s what mattered, and that her spirit provided enough Christmas cheer on it’s own.

The mayor finally decided to let the children do the pageant, even if it would cost him votes, because, as it turns out, his grown daughter was the one in the house with that lone wreath. She reminded him of the true meaning that Christmas had.

I feel like this is so true, so often, that we let things like public opinion and re-elections and what others think influence how we celebrate Christmas, and how much of an emphasis we put on Christ in the celebrations.

My blog can be bad about that, sometimes… I often show the crafts and the baking and the cheer that we have when we create ornaments and wreaths and cookies, but I sometimes get caught up and forget to show that the true meaning of Christmas isn’t about ribbons and bows…

It’s about Jesus.

Christ is the reason that we have Christmas, celebrating his birth. You can tell me about how we stole the holiday from the pagans, that they’ve been celebrating winter holidays for longer, and you can remind me that Jesus wasn’t born in December, but probably another part of the year. But what I’m going to remind you is that it doesn’t matter when we celebrate, as long as the intent is there.

Jesus came. He preached. He died, was buried, and rose again, covering our sins in His blood, wiping them away, letting us overcome them. He will come again, bringing us back to Heaven to celebrate, rejoice, and praise His holy name.

Christmas is my chance to remember his birth, to remember the miracles God created when the Angel came to Mary and told her, do not be afraid. It’s my opportunity to remember that Jesus was born to save me, to save my son, my parents, my brother, my family, my friends, if only we would take time to accept him.

Despite the ribbons and bows, a true miracle is here, and we need to remember that.

I’m so glad that a Children’s Choir could remind me that, no matter how my house looks on the outside, my inner sparkle needs to be focused on Jesus and really showing others that message.

What I’ve Learned from Being Single

- Mama 5 Comments

I've learned a lot on my journey of singlehood... From the girl who used to HAVE to have a boyfriend, now I've been single for quite some time, and there's a reason (and a lot of things I've learned from it!)

I have been single for almost a year now. It’s amazing to think that it’s been that long, because I used to be the girl who couldn’t go very long without being with someone, even if that someone was the wrong person for me. I’ve been in many bad relationships… relationships that pulled me away from family, relationships that tugged me away from faith, and relationships that tested my very strength. I’ve been hit, I’ve been verbally kicked in the gut, and I’ve been hurt. But I’ve also been mean, I’ve screamed, and I’ve said things I shouldn’t say.

Being single for almost a year has, in many ways, been trying. I can’t remember a time since I was about 13 that I didn’t have a boyfriend… or, rather, I can remember short periods, but nothing longer than a few months. A year-long dry spell? That’s a big deal.

I’ve learned a lot from being single, though. I’ve learned a lot about myself, a lot about other people, and a lot about what I’m looking for when that amazing man finally does come along. Here’s a little about what I’ve learned.

  1. My values are important, and they’re valid. I shouldn’t toss my thoughts, my values, and my dreams aside because someone discounts them. My dreams and values are just as valid as my partner’s. If he can’t accept that, or if he holds values that directly compromise or contradict mine, he isn’t the right guy for me.
  2. My family is more important than any relationship. My son, my parents, my brother… they’re the ones who have been there in the wake of breakups and makeups. They’re the ones who have stayed consistent, even when I’ve pushed them away for a relationship. That’s important.
  3. I don’t have to have a man to feel important. This is a big one for me. In the past, I’ve always felt like I needed someone, a partner, to feel valid. I don’t need that. My God is my first big relationship that validates who I am, outside of any romantic connections. My family validates me, my career as a blogger validates me. My faith in God, and my own successes, dreams, and thoughts, are what validate me as a person… not a guy.
  4. When I do eventually find the right guy for me, it will enhance my other relationships, rather than detracting from them. The right guy isn’t going to trash my family or my faith. He’s going to say “you know what? Those things are very important.” and he’s going to be okay with a) spending time with them, and b) understanding when I want to spend time with them occasionally instead of with him. I can’t count the number of holidays that I have spent running over to boyfriends’ houses or something, instead of spending it with my family. My very last Thanksgiving with my aunt before she passed, was a Thanksgiving dinner I left early to see a movie with my boyfriend. Wow. Just… wow. That’s not to say that spending time with him won’t be frequent, or awesome, but I believe the right man will understand that my family is a huge part of my life… and it isn’t all about him.

That’s not to say my journey as a single woman hasn’t been hard. There are definitely many times when I wish I had someone to turn to. I definitely have my concerns that I won’t find the right father figure for Zach when it comes time for those important things where he needs a dad. He has an amazing uncle, and an amazing grandfather, but a father figure is invaluable. I also wonder, “will I always be living with my parents, single?” And then I realize all of the awesome things involved in living with my family, and the great times that we have.

Being single is hard. I spend a lot of time in prayer, both hoping that a man will eventually join me on my journey through life… but I also spend a lot of time thanking God for the people who are in my life… my very cool best friend who I don’t see enough, but always seems to balance me. My mom, who is my rock. She’s the one I go to every time I need to bounce an idea off of her, the first person who suggested I consider blogging as a full-time gig, and the one who has supported me from day one. My awesome dad, who CHOSE to be my dad (he legally adopted me when I was nine). My brother, who has been a great influence and role model for Zach so far… all of these people are important.

The most important thing that I’ve learned from being single is this.

Relationships and significant others are more than just boyfriends/fiances/husbands. Relationships… significant others… those are the SIGNIFICANT people in your life. I don’t have one significant other. I have a lot of significant others. God. My son. My mom. My dad. My brother. My family around the world. My best friend. These are the significant people in my life, and they have nothing to do with a boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife situation.

It’s okay to be single. My time being single has brought me closer to family and to God… that, to me, is more important than any relationship with a guy.