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As parents, most of us tell our kids “I love you” on a pretty regular basis. At night, Zach and I have an “I love you” “I love you more” “I love you most” back and forth before he falls asleep. It’s just part of life that many of us are great at telling our kids we love them. But are we showing them that we love them? Based on the principles of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages, I’ve come up with a list of ways that you can show your child love. You won’t want to miss these!
First off, you might want to find out your child’s love language if you don’t have an idea of it yet. You can always purchase the The 5 Love Languages of Children
books in order to help you determine your child’s love language, but you may have an idea just by observing your child. For each of these love languages, I’m going to give you some ideas on how to help your child feel loved, but because all of them fall into one of five categories, this is essentially 5 ways you can help your child feel loved.
For Words of Affirmation children, you can show them love by:
Telling them you’re proud of the effort they made on a project. Giving them a compliment on a new outfit they put together themselves. Writing them a letter that tells them the positive attributes you see in them. Biting your tongue on excessive criticism. Giving them a little post-it in their lunch telling them you care. Thanking them for going above and beyond on a project. Telling them things you like about them. Letting them know what they mean to you– verbally. While I had said that I was sharing ideas that went beyond just telling your kids “I love you,” kids who really feel loved through words of affirmation need to hear that I love you– this isn’t a list of suggestions to do in place of an “I love you,” but merely a suggestion that in addition to that “I love you,” kids often feel loved if you do more. And in this case, a words of affirmation minded person will likely feel most loved when you give the reasons why you care or love them. So, take time to thank your child for taking the trash out and say something like “I love that you pay such attention to detail when you accomplish that task– I notice you never let a stray wrapper fall to the floor.”
For Quality Time children, you can show them you love them by:
Turning off the phone during a conversation with your child. Making a plan to go on one-on-one adventures together, like seeing a movie or having some ice cream. Take time to turn off the electronics and bake cookies. Tell your child you’re taking the day off and it’s going to be spent on what they’d like to do. Curl up together and read a book. Buy some mini canvases and paint pictures together. Find a class or activity that you can do together (my son and I used to take mommy and me yoga classes together). Make eye contact during your communication. Take time to visit your child during school lunch (check with your school about their parent lunch policy). Get pedicures or manicures side-by-side.
For Acts of Service oriented children, you can show love by:
Helping them with a school project. Doing volunteer work together (often, those who “hear” acts of service also “speak” that language– serving others is their way of expressing love– so serving those they care for together shows your shared passion for their needs). Taking care of one of their chores, especially if they’re feeling overwhelmed with other work. Keeping your promises. Remembering to do something you said you’d do for them. Giving them a clear service like painting their toenails. Helping them with a task that’s usually theirs (perhaps you don’t feel like doing their chore for them is the right idea, but helping them unload the dishwasher side-by-side still teaches work ethic while showing your act of service to them).
For Physical Touch-minded kids, you can show love by:
Offering up a hug– for successes AND tough times, rubbing their feet (my son can’t fall asleep without having my run my fingers along his back or arms), holding hands in a crowd, placing your hand on their shoulder or arm when talking to them, braiding or styling their hair.
Giving Gifts is a great way to show children you care, if that’s their love language:
Often, we think of giving gifts or wanting to receive gifts as being a little greedy, but that’s not what this love language is all about. I can tell my brother speaks this language because of the care and attention he puts into giving someone a gift (like the time he bought me a vintage Nintendo gaming system and games he knew I grew up loving). Giving gifts doesn’t have to wait until a holiday, either. When it comes to showing love through gifts, you can: pick up a favorite treat that person enjoys (if I’m at the store and bacon or Jones soda is on sale, my brother is getting some for sure), taking this person out for sodas or coffee and treating them, picking out a small souvenir on vacation, knitting a scarf or creating a homemade gift for them, rewarding them with a gift for a job well done, or sharing a special certificate when they do a great job, or giving personalized jewelry or a special heirloom trinket when the time is right.
There are so many ways that you can show children love, but when you take time to speak their language, it goes beyond the words “I love you.” So often, we can say these things out of habit, or because it’s just something we do, but when we take time to show that love in ways that are personal to the recipient, they feel more loved. This is especially important if you have multiple children who express and feel love in different ways or “languages,” because it personalizes that affection for them and makes each feel special and loved.
How do you show your children love? Are you familiar with the Love Languages? Let me know in the comments below!
